Hanging Half Alive

A Lot And Nothing
January 4, 2018
First Generation Student
January 5, 2018

Hanging Half Alive

I only realized that this was an art form

for lovers

when I was burning alive. seething into the atmosphere

“someone will want you someday”, I don’t

want anyone to want me

I want to stay on the floor

feeling my seconds get sucked into an oncoming, unavoidable death

like a big scary fan we used to fear in cartoons

 

I have no want for dependency, no thrill

in becoming so entranced in someone

that I will lose myself again

no desire for it, if you see me

look the other way, look through me, past me

I am not here, I am not your fruit for the picking

if you want to taste me I’ll rot and burn your stomach

I’ll teach you how to hate peaches

even the sweetest ones you will learn to gag on 

 

I sit back and let people twist and use me

I am a ripped up, shredded, dirty welcome home mat 

that only gets used when my loved ones

get hurt, lose all their money at the casino,

when they realized they have pushed themselves into a dark hole

when they shoot just a little too much

of what I told them not to, 

they see the darkness and come back, but they

also leave the dirtiest bits on me

to fix, to repel it, I have the magic touch, they say

but now my energy is transfixed, I have no more power left in me

to stop the dirt, it has all gotten stuck

so they all stop coming back because my mat is 

so dishelmed 

so worn, 

so useless.

they look for someone else,

another board for them to throw their darts at

fast enough for it to hurt, but slow enough for no one to 

realize that they are being killed

I am full of dirt,

full of bitter

I am swearing to you

you 

will soon hate

peaches

–  Savannah

Illustration by Niti Mueth